7 Tips to Be Your Happiest Self

If you’ve ever run into anyone and they just don’t seem to be excited about anything, Its a really simple thing to say”Just smile and be happy” Sure, you can smile and pretend that you’re happy on the outside, but what does happiness really mean and how do you ensure that you are truly, 100% content with your life. 

Is this the right job for me? 

Do I want to rent this apartment? 

Is he the right guy for me? 

There are situations that occur daily that test our happiness. Its hard to decipher if happiness is coming from within or if that situation is just making you happy. I have struggled with trying to figure out what it means for me to be utterly happy. Does buying these new sneakers make me happy? Does being in a relationship make me happy? Sure these things can add value to my life, but I have realized that if I am not deep down content with myself, it will be harder for these amazing things happening in my life to make me happy.  I get it. 

“Follow your heart” The problem with this is that half of the time we don’t even know what the heart wants. We are told from an early age by all sorts of external factors who to hang out with, who to date, how to dress, what job to get, what to study, where to travel, how to look, what car to buy. There is so much pressure in our daily lives that the idea of following your heart becomes really cloudy. Even when we do all of these things that we think we should be doing, there is still something missing; something that keeps us from getting everything we truly want and experiencing full on happiness.

I used to think that having a certain body would make me happy. Listening to a certain type of music, dressing a certain way and most importantly, changing who I was for someone else would bring me happiness. 

“Its okay” I would think. 

“I’m in a relationship so I can pretty much stop ‘doing things’ I have someone and I am allll good and happy” but was I? Nope. In fact, I was being torn apart inside. 

For years on and off, I found myself either in a long term relationship or short lasting ones (that still just lasted too long knowing it wasn’t anything ‘real’) I was not only unhappy, but more importantly, I was never, truly myself. I stayed because I was terrified of the alternative. Being alone. The thought alone just sounds sad. I couldn’t bear the thought of not having someone. I put my happiness in the hands of others thinking as long as I was in a relationship, all is well in my little life.

Someone good enough rolled around and I was on board. Was I happy? Eh, not really, but I was complacent. After years of not being treated with respect its easy to jump on the first guy or girl that makes you feel good. In fact, that scenario can be pretty scary because maybe for the first time, you could actually picture your life with this person. When this relationship rolls around, its easy to throw everything else to the wayside; friends, family, interests, hobbies, activities that were a huge part of your life and even your career.

THEN one day, it all ends. You are again left alone and empty and get all of those negative feelings back. Was I not pretty enough? Smart enough? Skinny enough? We immediately blame ourselves which I think, is a pretty natural reaction. Why, just for one second did I not think about what I want? We get so caught up in that feeling of being rejected that we don’t even for a second take ownership for the fact that maybe this relationship wasn’t so great in the first place. I hadn’t seen my friends, I put my career on the back burner and I hadn’t taken those boxing classes that I was thinking about doing as a way to meet people and get a new challenge in. Whoa. 

When we were never truly happy with ourselves, why do we put our own happiness in someone elses pocket? I have been in this situation before a few times and every time I come out of it blaming myself. 

“He made me happy, therefore I was happy”

I associated my own happiness with the feeling of being with another person, when I never took ownership for the fact that I am in control of my own feelings.

I thought about how much power I was giving this other person. This person controlled my feelings? That is crazy! With or without a relationship, I should be feeling the same way about life and about myself. This person should simply enhance these feelings. In the end, if you put your self worth in the hands of your boyfriend or girlfriend, not only does that rob you of your authority, it will damage the relationship in the long run 

The idea of happiness is a tricky one and can be construed in many ways because we often put our happiness in the hands of other people.

 I wanted to share today some ways I finally realized what happiness is and some ways to finally find it within yourself. 

Its amazing when life doesn’t go just as you had planned, but in return something even better comes around. Every single day something can happen that can bring you closer to what you are looking for.; it may take some bad decisions and mistakes but everything that happens up until a certain point is just practice.

 

Happiness Is a Mindset: 

The key with the word happiness is to know that happiness is not something ‘you have or don’t have’ I got a promotion at work so thats fair game to be happy. I ran into my ex so thats fair game to be unhappy. Happiness isn’t based on circumstances. The more I read and study self development regarding personalities, workplace and relationships, the more I realize that happiness is a mindset. It isn’t based on the delicious meal you ate or the fact that your boyfriend dumped you. With a constant mindset of happiness, these situations will simply add value or experiences to your already amazing life. 

Practice Gratitude Daily

Everyday I greet my clients the same way “They! How are you??” I say with a huge smile on my face. Usually they respond with however they’re doing whether that be great or good or tired or stressed. Then they proceed to ask me how I am “How are you, Naomi?” “I’m great, thanks!” I say cheery eyed. My job is to be ON all the time. It doesn’t really matter if I am going through some personal baggage. My job is not to bring that on the floor with my clients. There was one specific day that I could not focus at all. The wrong word, wrong thought or wrong movement would have thrown me over the edge to lose it right there on the gym floor. It was in that moment that I made a pledge to myself to think about the amazing things I have in my life. My puppy, my amazing and supportive family, my friends, a job that I love with co workers that have become my family, a beautiful apartment in one of the most desired location in Boston, and most importantly after some crazy ups and down over several years,  my health. 

When I get in a funk, instead of thinking of the things I don’t have, I think about the things I do have in my life that bring me so much joy. “Practicing gratitude” sounds like a silly concept but the thing about it, is there is no right way to do it. You can sit for 5 minutes and jot down 3 things that make you happy daily.  I tend to think about what has brought me to the place I am in right this very moment. Every relationship, career move, decision, friendship and experience has made me the person I am. I don’t regret a thing that happened in my past and in fact, I embrace the mistakes, the bad relationships and decisions because I have learned from every one of them what I want and don’t want. The happiest people may not have everything in the world, but they are grateful for all that they do have. 

Find people who bring out the best in you.

If I were to give advice to anyone in my life going through a rough patch it would be this: Get rid of toxic people. Who are these people? They don’t support your goals, they are judgmental, they ran you of your energy and encourage bad habits, they make you feel bad about yourself or bad for others, they don’t make you smile. Ditch the people who drain your energy or encourage your bad habits. Be proactive about connecting with people who bring out the best in you. 

 

Stop Forcing It. 

Bottom line: if you have to force something, its probably not meant to be. I remember the time in my life that I would have my whole day planned out from start to finish. I didn’t even know what the day would bring but it didn’t really matter. I woke up, ate this, did that, went here then, came back at that time, ate at that time and went to bed by this time. It was all laid out. 

Then I realized something as I got older. I was missing out on a lot of stuff. Meaningful stuff like friendships, relationships, family time, career aspirations. I was so focused on making it through my perfectly planned day that I had no concept of what else was happening around me. You know what is both the best and scariest feeling  in the world? The unknown. Some of my most memorable days spent are the ones where I had no agenda. It may not have been how I planned it, but that was essentially the best part about it. 

Change The Strategy

When I was in college in sometime after I suffered from anxiety. I had no idea where it stemmed from but in certain circumstances, I was anxious. My heart raced, I was hot, irritable, and felt generally out of control. I thought I was going crazy, but soon learned that these feelings of anxiety were common amongst my peers. I developed strategies to manage my anxiety such as breathing techniques, writing in a journal, and practicing gratitude. My mom always used the analogy,

 ‘Imagine you are in a big room with 20 doors open, I want you to go into one room, do what you need to do in there and then move into the next room. Whatever you do, try not to leave all the doors open at once’ 

This always to this day resonated with me because it was the act of having too many unfinished things on my plate.  I can be the queen of this action which in turn, creates anxiety. I knew that I had to focus on small, attainable goals that I have control over in order to manage the bigger picture. 

Life throws curve balls every single day; maybe its not exactly how you planned. Maybe it will throw off your whole day. Life is generally one big test and one of the most important things I have learned is that it is so important to be able to adapt.

Obviously, it’s easier said than done to just ‘attack something small first’ when some of the issues that we deal with are pretty serious. However, if you start to see the small circumstances this way, you can most certainly begin to see the larger issues this way. Its a simple strategy and mindset shift to do something different. Once your plan of attack changes, you will realize that in reality, life is pretty amazing and there aren’t too many things that will weight you down.

Moments Don’t Define Your Happiness

Its such an amazing feeling to get that promotion at work, place 1st in your fitness competition or race, get engaged or pass your hardest class. These are such pivotal moments in life that should 100% be celebrated. The feeling of reaching these goals is amazing and certainly can promote the feeling of happiness but this happiness may not be long lasting and in fact, coming off these great life achievements can actually propel you to go the other direction. Now what? Keep in mind that happiness is a mindset. It is how you are and deal with every situation whether you get a promotion at work or lose your job. If you are truly happy with your life, you will see the promotion as something that enhances your already amazing life and your loss of a job will only propel you to work toward something bigger and better.  

Practice Work/Life Balance

I have a pet peeve. It’s being ‘too busy’ Nothing bothers me more than when people are too busy to enjoy their lives. They always seem stressed, they always seem unhappy and unfulfilled. Life is happening and I make it a priority to make time for others that I care about and also experience activities, events and social gatherings around work. Overworking and feeling rushed is just an easy way to gather stress and anxiety. Balancing free time and work time is integral in finding a happy balance in life. I have practiced the idea of saying ‘no’ to certain situations-it is not an easy thing to do since I like to make people happy, but in the long run, I know I am doing myself a favor by doing so.  On this same note, I have definitely expanded both my social and experimental horizons and have been way more open to trying new things. I recently started volunteering once a week for a couple hours and every single time I walk away from working 1-1 with these students who I help tutor, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I also enrolled in improv classes (I did this a few months ago) By throwing myself into situations and places that are a bit out of my comfort zone makes me elated. Yes, nervous at first for whatever reason but overall, I feel way more comfortable doing things, talking to people, and way more open. 

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Happiness has to be found within yourself, however I also think there are huge benefits of observing happiness of others. At the end of the day, you want to look back at your life and remember yourself smiling. Spend time with quality people. Eat good food. Don’t restrict yourself too much. Practice moderation. Give yourself self love. Meditate. Reflect. Hug those you love. Do things that make you feel good. There are no rules to happiness, but there are certainly things you can start doing today to turn that frown upside down

 

MUCH LOVE,

Naomi xo

 

 

 

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